Sometimes my attachment to the spirit is so strong that everything that I do and everything that I say seems to have a purpose and seems to have been predetermined. For the past week I have been struck with wonder and awe at the details of my life and how interwoven they are with each other, and also with the feeling that I have of Heavenly Father's hands interwoven with mine as he leads me hour by hour and day by day, in every aspect of my life. Today I have been joyously crying at almost every occasion. I have found direction with my life. I have found a renewed determination to go to the temple while I am out in Utah. I have rekindled a flame of friendship in my life that has been lost for years. And I have found a stronger and brighter testimony because of these things.
This year I have had a lot of ups and downs, most noticeably in the later part of the year. With Jeffrey's passing and troubles at work this fall has been one of the hardest I have come by. But Wednesday when I was mourning the passing of Jeffrey on the day of his birth I received a call from Katie saying that baby Landon was coming two weeks early. To mourn the loss of a life is one of the most trying events of our mortal lives, but the clear message that Heavenly Father was sending to me that day was one of joy. Where there is death there is also life. And I have never seen a baby as beautiful and full of life as Landon. I know that life is eternal, and that Jeffrey watches over me often. I feel him around me from time to time. I also know that all those that have passed on before us are watching over us, and helping to lead us to the places and the events that we need to be in for us to progress in this life.
One of the most poignant lessons I learned today was from Bishop Kenning. He taught our Relief Society class today and expressed his concern for our welfare. He had us think about the things that we put first in our life, and how important it is to put the Lord first, and to honor him with everything that we do and everything that we are. "Not my will, but thine" was the theme of the day for me. I know that the most important thing for me right now is to get back to the temple, and start doing the genealogy work for my ancestors that haven't been done yet. I know that the things that come first in my life are the things that have eternal weight, not worldy weight.
I am so grateful for all that I have in my life, and for the opportunity I have to feel the strength and the peace and the love of our savior.